Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
