Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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