how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
