Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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