so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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