tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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