Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Boobs speak an international language.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
