Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
