when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
