Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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