Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
