theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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