stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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