It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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