help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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