Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
