shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
