she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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