oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
