You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
