can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cannot find my penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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