That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
