They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
