girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
