I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
