My hand turned me down
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
