I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
