farters have to be the big spoon...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize