I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her vagine was all disorganized.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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