You really coming over, don't trick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
