perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
