I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
