You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize