my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize
