FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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