i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
