i need an iv and a liver transplant
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
