I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
