you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
