sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
