did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone shattered a urinal.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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