she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
