So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
