: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
