So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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