Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
