someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
