i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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