If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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