she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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