He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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