Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
