We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
