the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
