S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
