you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
