how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
