went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
