Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
