Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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