Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
