Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
