Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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