Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
