i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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