My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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