life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
