so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
