Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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