The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize