You're so nebulous sometimes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
