She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
