he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
