you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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