I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
