well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
