I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize